Anton and I.
“Have you read Anton LaVey’s The Satanic Bible?” my friend Jason asked, “You probably should…” I don’t remember the year, but it was probably after a period of self-pity in combination with the usual self-hatred. I’d heard about LaVey before and was aware of who he was and what he did, but as my disregard for every kind of religious activity at this time was at its peak, I didn’t ponder so much over his legacy.Sometime later Jason gave me a copy The Satanic Bible and I read it over a few days. I liked it, but also felt it was very much a child of its time when it came to language and cultural references, but that it was surprisingly rational. Oddly conservative, but also over and over again insuring that the opposite was perfectly fine too, as the individualistic concept of living was more important than personal opinions. I felt attracted to this respectful duality, as I’ve always had the same thoughts deep inside: why put your energy on stuff you don’t like when you can put that energy on stuff you like instead, to keep it very simple.
When it came to my view on LaVey himself, as character outside this book, I felt divided — and still do from time to time. First of all, he have the same eyes as a person from my past that was — to put it simply — was a wife-beating asshole. They have the exact same eyes, especially the LaVey during the sixties and early seventies, before he slowly got that harder, edgier face. I admit it was an issue for me, but at the same time LaVey was shamelessly fond of pranks, magic, horror films — and sporting that iconic look — and I understood that he had a very dark, individualistic sense of humor; a twinkle in the eye combined with something very serious.
I read the book a few more times, and one day Jason also gave me — maybe as a birthday present — LaVey’s essay collection The Devil’s Notebook, which in many ways is even better, more structured and he’s more clear in his philosophy. The pieces of the puzzle started to fall into place.
Anton LaVey is the first gay friendly personality in this field I’ve read, and he’s very straightforward with it. No beating around the bush, he goes direct for the target and tells that there’s no reason it shouldn’t be fine: “Satanism condones any type of sexual activity which properly satisfies your individual desires — be it heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, or even asexual, if you choose. Satanism also sanctions any fetish or deviation which will enhance your sex-life, so long as it involves no one who does not wish to be involved”. There’s some footage of LaVey conducting a satanic marriage between two men and that always make me happy when I see it — and it meant a lot, as I’m coming from a conservative Christian background, where I spent several years in a religious community, who was — of course — antigay in its roots.
A few years went by and I slowly became depressed again, as I experienced a very destructive and badly dealt with job situation, which ended in me quitting the production I was hired to work on — because for the first time in my life I understood that I shouldn’t accept everything, there’s no need for me to be under someone else’s control. I’m good enough to not suffer have to shit like that. When I came home I started to read The Satanic Bible once again and the last pieces came down on me, like concrete bricks of insights — and I spent a few months pondering them, being outside in the nature and listening to music.
For the first time I called myself Satanist, and I’m a person who don’t like define my character. But for once this felt like me, something I’ve always been since I was a child. I didn’t become a Satanist, I was born one.
If there’s a national day, it should be our birthday LaVey meant, and yesterday was his 89th one. Personally I’m not interested in my birthday, and it’s not about getting older, it’s just not important for me. I rather celebrate every day of my beautiful life, instead of one. So we disagree there, Anton and I — but then I also dislike Ayn Rand, guns, patriotism and Hammond organs — things LaVey appreciated. But that’s one of the strengths with the LaVeyan Satanism; we just don’t give a fuck about what others do, as long as they don’t bother us with it. Individualism is also to accept that other people are individuals too and we have no reason to interfere with their lives, telling them how to live and behave. As long they treat you or those you care about with respect.
Anton LaVey disliked the ideas of his philosophy mutating to something cult-like and the growing worship of himself, and withdraw from public in the seventies, shutting down the so-called “grottos”, where followers of his writings could met — something probably triggered by the internal fights also, which goes against the whole philosophy, so with that in mind maybe I should stop, not making this text too cult member-ish.
In the end LaVey taught me about individualism and magick (he didn’t like that spelling, but hey Anton — this is my text!), and for that I’m eternally grateful.
Hail Satan!
Fred Andersson
Author of Homo Satanis: How I Learned to Love Satan and Other Insights from my Childhood.
