Mosquitos from the Past.
We’re all memes. You’re a meme, I’m a meme. And like with everything else there’s intelligent and there’s stupid ones. What we radiates around us, through words and appearance will send out a signal to others about who we are — even if we don’t mean it. A meme is like an infection, for good and bad, and it stays around forever and it won’t go away. Do something stupid once and it will follow you like an annoying mosquito, buzzing around in that dark bedroom when you’re trying to sleep — getting closer sometimes, but you just can’t seem to catch it.
During periods I have a lot of mosquitos buzzing around in my bedroom, and from time to time they even land and suck some blood from me. Fuckers. But I’m also aware all of that is in the past, and since then I’ve managed to build up a new circle of friends that know me as the one I am today, with ups and downs — but on an acceptable level I believe.
Planting a personality is important, especially if you’re out to actually do that. But beware what seed you put in the ground. They say that one should separate the artist from its art, but there’s exceptions to that rule. An artist can behave like an asshole, me rude and awful — as long she or he accepts the same treatment from others, or in general: the life of others. If that artist starts of good and fun and creative and then goes downwards in a spiral of hate and stupidity aimed at other people then suddenly it becomes very difficult to not have that art tainted by their current behavior. Ricky Gervais is a good example, or James Woods — two actors I really liked once upon a time, but their state of existence now is just… bitter and mean. There’s no love in their art anymore, as it’s infected by their hate.
They’re memes gone destructive and it’s too late for them to change it back and therefore they’re going forward with the same kind of frenzy as they’ve done recently and it will sooner or later be their end (in Woods case it’s ended a long time ago to be fair). Sometimes when I try to fall asleep that mosquito comes buzzing again, from the time when I was destructive, bitter, hateful — towards myself and others — and I wonder how that have affected by relationship with others? I know my current circle of friends and contacts have nothing against me, they see that I’m way more than black and white, but what’s in the minds of those in the past? I know how it is, as I’m also affected of the past behavior of others.
Let’s decide to not care. What’s done it’s done. It is what it is. It’s all part of the process of being a human. Don’t deny your dark sides and don’t embrace them either. Just let them rest there in what once was and use them as a reminder how to not behave. Your behavior stays with you even long after you’re changed. People have a tendency to see what you once was, which is natural. That’s life. Nurture your current friends instead, acknowledge your past but don’t let it get to you again.
Everyone can create a meme, and you can create what you want to be in the eyes of others. Let’s continue in that direction.
Fred Andersson is a Swedish author, individualist, satanist and freelancing editor-in-chief and story producer. He’s written two books on the subject, Homo Satanis: How I Learned to Love Satan and other Insights from my Childhood and Homo Satanis 2: The Devil Made Me Do It, and is currently working on the third and last part. He lives outside Stockholm with his photographer husband Grzegorz, two cats and thousands of books and films.
